The Dawning

How long does it take to make a judgement about someone? Almost no time at all. We see them and instantaneously we have them pigeon-holed. Fat, middleclass, expensive hair, worried, ugly, gorgeous, nice shoes, fanciable, not fanciable, haughty, trashy..........Usually we either instintively feel good about someone or bad. We are comfortable in their presence, or not. We want to be nearer or keep our distance....our radar is constantly on the alert.

What about our children? How long does it take for people to make a judgement about them? Almost no time at all. They are the ones who are screaming in the supermarket, pulling down their pants in public, saying out loud "that lady's got a big belly". They are the ones standing too close to the next person in line, grabbing a spade in the sandpit, staring at the shop assistant. And the judgements? Naughty child, bad mother, she makes me uncomfortable, can't they control him? And we feel bad.

When someone has a visible disability, we see it instantly.
When someone has autism, we don't, but we still make a judgement.

When I am out with my daughter, I hold her hand. Why? She is fifteen and she is not a runner. I don't need to hold her hand. But I do. It took some soul searching to understand why I do this. I would like to think that I do it for safety. Well, partly, when we cross the road. Perhaps I just never got out of the habit from when she was little? Possibly, but that's not all. I realise I do it mainly so that people have an instant filter when they see us. "Teenage girl ... looks normal ....but having her hand held by woman old enough to be her Mother.... must have something wrong with her.......I feel ....disdain/compassion/understanding/distanced......"

It works. I reckon it takes about a second and a half for "the dawning". As soon as the "this person is different" thought kicks in, we are in differnt territory. I am lucky. We live in a small town so usually that territory means kindness and allowances made for her "oddness".

But what for the children who look "normal" but who are simply unable to act "normal".
There is no "dawning", just judgement.

And it is a brave parent who can cope with that.

Why Won't the Sun come out?

I live in the North of Scotland. It is very beautiful. Tourists come from all over the world to enjoy our Highland scenery. There is only one problem, (don't tell the Tourist Board...)

The sun doesn't shine. The sun doesn't shine in the Winter - that's OK, I don't expect it to. The sun doesn't shine in the Spring or Autumn - well, it does a bit, but allow me a bit of poetic licence.

The PROBLEM is that the sun doesn't shine in the Summer. Never. Not one tiny incy bit. Not a sliver of hope peeps out from behind those grey clouds. At least that's what it feels like, and as far as I'm concerned, that's my reality. And what happens when its Summer and the sun doesn't shine? I get in a mood.

Summer sunless mood = "I can't cope......", "I wish my life was easier......", (ssh.....whisper this one), "I wish my daughter was normal so we could have proper holidays....." and creeping up behind my ears, my old friend, "Its not fair...." And all because of the weather!

But here's the thing, I don't think I'm the only one thinking these thoughts. I know for a fact, because I have friends worldwide who share these things, that there are people in Arizona and Australia, India and Indiana, who also have these thoughts. Perhaps not exactly the same, but similar, "wish it were different", "its too much" thoughts. Mmm. But its sunny in their summer! If I'm feeling bad because its not sunny, shouldn't they be feeling fabulous in their sun-drenched climes?

Perhaps I have to face it, again. Its not the sun, or lack of it. Its me. I am making myself feel bad. I am creating my own reality.

So my thought for today is,

"I can choose to be happy whether the sun shines or not."

I feel better already.